Finding God: When The Door Closes.
Written: April 30th, 2016
Junior year, Me and my older brother went to play for a local private Christian Academy. We were going to be the big Duo! M&M, as we would call it. He would be the starting QB and I would be the Center. We would do the very thing we dreamed off. Two brothers, Center and QB. The first game was upon us, and we won 76-6. The season went on with a very similar pattern. The big duo would lead our small little team of misfits to the state playoffs! During that season it started to hit me, maybe I could go on to play at the next level. Maybe I could play college ball! The season ended with a loss in the first round of the playoffs. My older brother went on to sign with a small NAIA college to play college football. I knew that with our brotherly competition, I had to beat him! I had to get into a better college football program.
The summer before Senior year, I was no longer able to play with my older brother, so I went to play football at a local public High School with my best friend(We have been best friends since 3rd grade). Things were looking good! Granted I wasn’t in the best shape, so I had to work twice as hard as everyone else just to get on par. College recruiting was starting to look good. I had a few DIII schools that were interested, nothing big. But then, a huge DI(The highest level of college football) ivy league school came knocking which led to another school to become interested. THE SCHOOL. The DI school came with a lot of interest. Got invited to their summer camp and got to spend some time talking with the Head Coach. Which is a huge deal in recruiting. After the camp they said that “I was a perfect fit” Stuff started picking up from there. There was a lot more communication with the school, it was all falling into place. I wasn’t only going to go play football at the college level but at the highest level of college football. A few games in, the season looked a little rough but, hey, its football.
It was a normal week, normal practice schedule. We were doing tackling drills, just like we do every Monday. I was put up against one of our big boys, he was about 325lb and I was about 315lb around that time. The whistle blew, started running and went down for the tackle like every other time. We hit. All of a sudden I was on my back. I was ran over. Which was not normal for me. I got up and my left arm started to tingle, and my head started hurting real bad. I just thought I took a good “bell ringer” so I just shook it off. Went to the next drill. I started to feel crippling nausea, so I walked over to our athletic trainer, he gave me a small test. Turns out I received a slight concussion. Not a big deal, I’d just see the doctor and sit out a few days. I’d be back before our next game. I woke up Tuesday with a pretty bad headache, normal after being hit that hard. So I went to school and sat out at practice. My mom picked me up after practice, by this time I was really dizzy, really bad headache and so on. But as I was telling my mom about my day, I started having issues talking. I couldn’t talk straight, I would take super long pauses and zone out, my words would merge into each other, and I would mumble. It wasn’t good.
My doctor appointment came along, it was only a check up to see if I could go back to playing. I was still super dizzy, headaches, trouble speaking, and then short term memory(I ended up failing dementia level tests). The doctor went on to give me another concussion test, he came back with the news that no D1 prospect wanted to hear. He told me that I sustained a much greater level concussion than I thought. Football was over. Just like that. My dreams were smashed. I was going to go to a private D1 school, not just any school but an ivy league level school. Just like that the door was slammed shut. It was really easy during that time to start asking “God WHY!?!?” But I instead asked “God, what do you have planned with this?”
It was tough. To have a huge door close right in front of my face. My future, College, my way to pay for college, gone. I remember praying a lot. Just trying to understand and not grow bitter. One day while I was praying about the whole situation, I heard so clearly the Lord say “Why have you put all your trust in football for your future? I am your God, your future is in my hands. I have given you life and breath, I formed you in your mother’s womb. TRUST IN ME.” It hit me really, really hard. So I began to just trust. It definitely wasn’t easy and most times still isn’t. But I allowed my perspective to change. We go through seasons of life. Some are long lived and others are short. What truly matters in life, is living a life that glorifies God in all things, and that shines a light in the world.
I had grown close to one of my teammates during the summer workouts, summer pride camp, and practices. He wasn’t in to the whole Christianity thing. But we still were good friends. After one practice we were hanging out by his car, we were just talking and chilling after a tough practice. I asked him if he wanted to come hang out with some other senior guys at church. Sure enough he agreed. Since then he has received Christ, and has been baptized by water. After watching the Lord work in his life, it hit me. That’s what life is about. Sure a huge door for my future was closed, but through my journey in football, a friend came and received Christ. Life is about the small things. Finding God when the door closes, is not always seeing the Lord come in like a mighty rushing wind. But seeing the Lord work in the smallest things around you. The still small voice.
If you are going through something similar. A huge door was just closed, and you’re thinking “God, why on earth is this happening to me?” Just know that the Lord is with those who believe in him, and are called to his purpose. Romans 8:28 “For we know that you work all things together for good, to those whom are called to your purpose.” I feel like this is the cliché, “Christianese” verse for when anything bad happens. However its so true. But its not always in the ways we expect it to be. We often times feel like this verse means some magical thing will happen and all of our troubles will disappear, and we will be sitting on a super nice boat somewhere! Granted this may be a little over reacting but at the very least that’s what we want the feeling to be like. Bliss. In reality the Lord working it together for good can be something as small as a new person going to church and receiving Jesus. Or sometimes we might not even see the fruit of what the Lord is doing for a while.
Even when the door closes, the Lord is still up to something. One of my favorite examples in the bible about finding God when the door closes, is in Acts 7. The story about Stephen, in this story Stephen is proclaiming the gospel to a group of people and they became outraged and stoned him. They flat out killed the man. Now I can’t help but think, did the Lord ever tell Stephen that he was called to greatness? That because of Stephen’s ministry, millions would come to receive the gospel? I mean if so, he died young. I’d say the door closed pretty hard on that. But there is a very unique thing about Acts 7, it talks about Stephen, but it always lays mention of another young man. Now this young man approved of the killing of Stephen, he even took the garments of those who wanted to stone Stephen, so that they could.
Now if you haven’t read Acts 7, the young man’s name was Saul. That moment led Saul on the journey of persecuting Christians. Now things don’t look to good in Stephen’s case. He was killed and in his death a young man started persecuting the church because of it! Well those who know the story know that two chapters later, this Saul becomes Paul the apostle. Paul the one who wrote most of the new testament, and brought the gospel to the Gentiles. Millions have heard and received the good news because of Paul. Now Saul would have never started the journey to become Paul if it wasn’t for Stephen. Because Stephen died, Saul became Paul.
When the door closes, we don’t always know how the Lord will turn it for good. But we do know that he will. Even if it is in the small things. After all, His ways are higher than our ways, and his thoughts are higher than our thoughts. Grasp upon hope and just TRUST in the Lord. He will turn it for good. Even when the door closes, look for Jesus in the small things. He is always at work. We don’t need clarity, we need trust.
